Some weeks ago, I received an email from a TG acquaintance whom I know only casually. In that mail, she posed the following question? Do you think God will judge me for being transgendered? My initial response seemed obvious. Why would God judge you for being who you are? He would not judge you for having brown eyes, or any other inherent trait. As with any human being, He will judge us for our faith, the things we do and the life we lead, not our gender orientation.

She then wrote several weeks later saying she hated God for having made her TG. I told her what I have said so often, that who we are is a blessing, if only we will let it become so in our lives. We have two choices, to rejoice in who we are, or to sink into a spiral of depression and self guilt.

But you know something? The more I have thought about this, I think there is another choice, or as Theodore Roosevelt stated, we may choose "to live in that gray twilight world that knows neither victory nor defeat". I believe we can deny who we are and limp through life, never realizing complete fulfillment. This is entirely separate from those who must make compromises in life to fulfill family obligations, or for other reasons.

In retrospect, friends are often amazed at the compromises I made while my children were young, in comparison to the fufilling life I am living now. At the time, it did not seem like a compromise, nor does it make me unique. I was simply doing what I had to do to be true to my familial obligations. I never was anything but thankful for who I am, even though friends thought I had found a 'comfort zone', or put my own life on the 'back burner'.

The bible says 'to everything, there is a season'. Happiness may lie in knowing when our season has begun, even though it can seem like we are in the midst of a long winter.

I had a virtual epiphany several years ago when I was going through probably the most difficult time of my life, a divorce. I was on the way home from working a second job and happened to hear "The Rose" by Bette Midler. One line echoed through my mind for days, "far beneath the winter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring......becomes....The Rose".

What if we were to change one letter of that line........"with The Son's love, in the spring .....becomes........The Rose". What an incredible difference one letter can make! Jesus' love has already paid the price for our inadequacies and stumbling.

Bishop T.D. Jakes wrote "you were created in the mind of God before you were put in your mother's womb. You were God's idea".

I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us. We are who we are for a reason.

Think for a moment, each of us is the sum total of all our experiences in life. All the bad and good experiences have molded us into the unique individuals each of us is today. Moreover, this sum total of all we are today will progress us into the unique individual we are designed, and desire to become.....if only we allow it, and realize our season may be on the horizon.

Please do understand this has nothing to do with progressing from 'crossdresser to transsexual'. Too often, we define progress as moving further down the transgender continuum, or the gender spectrum. True progress is arriving at that point in life at which we are happy with ourselves, and our direction.

A number of years ago, there was an article in Transgender Tapestry in which someone said her only desire in life was to ulltimately be truly able to say, "I found my way". Our gender journey can be illuminated by the light of our spiritual journey. The two pathways can merge, if we allow it.

As so often, it becomes natural to speak of  'our community'. However, these are truisms for everyone in life. Everyone has endured a certain amount of emotional pain. Many have endured ostracism from family and friends, loss of career and dealt with a host of emotional issues which are completely separate from gender orientation.

The fact of it all is that any emotional pain we may have endured only enables us to develop empathy and understanding towards those who may be going through worse pain than we ourselves did. We never know whose life we are going to touch in a way we may never know, nor do we know whose life may touch us.  I can think of many seemingly insignificant people who have crossed my path. Only later was I aware that I learned something from them.

A line from the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, "It is in giving.....that we receive" is very true. Back again to the passage from the bible, "to everything there is a season". God has a plan for each of us and a part of that plan is for us to be happy and fulfilled. It matters not that we may be making compromises for the sake of our children or spouse. It does matter that we are in tune with God's leading. You and I may be an influence on someone at this moment and not even be aware.

I believe if we do what is right in our heart, situations will always work for the good. It may take time, but God is perfecting a situation in His own way. I speak from experience. To coin a phrase, 'it ain't done yet'.

So, in answer to the question, "why me?" We may well ask, "why not me?" Why not have faith in God's leading, inadequate and weak though we may be.

God really does love each of us, and wants us to be happy. Jesus paid the price to make it our right.


Pamela Jones 4/06